


Too Many Names (Completed)

by Shalashacelot



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Anal Sex, Boyish crushes, Fluff, M/M, Many POV third person switcheroos, Mild torture, Minor Violence, Minor death, Minor other character mentions, Overthinking, Plot filling, Sexual Content, Spoilers, Teasing, The Phantom Pain afterwards, Worry, minor foreplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 02:12:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4769690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shalashacelot/pseuds/Shalashacelot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ocelot reunites with Big Boss at Zanzibar and the two of them awkwardly think about things (and awkwardly DO things)</p><p>Takes place after TPP, mostly because I only have the barest grasp on the game from spoiling myself (issue with computer so I haven't played it yet)</p><p>Completed!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Realization

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place fairly soon after TPP. I haven't gotten much chance to play the game yet because of a computer issue, but by goodness I plan to. Therefore please excuse any slip ups. Also, I started the story off (spoilers!) assuming Venom Snake = BB, so upon my realization I went back and changed the plot from during TPP times, to right after. Enjoy?

"Till we meet again..."

Those words repeated in his ears, his mind. 

_John.._

He shivered his head at a poor attempt of shaking free. Those words, his given name, throbbing in his ears. They had met again, several times after that... Saving his life.

He had aged well, picking John up from the crash. It was a fairly quick reunion, hushed voices to not awake the double. John had only caught a grin from his savior before he handed him the bike. They even shared a moment.. Lighting a cigar, heads close...

"We'll meet again," John mentioned, repeating the same words they always say to each other.

"Right," he responded, head low. He was almost doubtful.

And now here he was, arriving with a wide smile from Mother Base. It had been a while, since that moment they met again. Months? A year? It was hard to remember. But now, his duties there had ended, and wanted to help John at Zanzibar. When he got the call from him about visiting, John couldn't help but feel suspicious. He agreed via two reasons, welcoming his skill as a soldier and interrogator, and seeing an old friend once more.

And when that man's genuinely happy face emerged from the helicopter, guilt had washed over John. That was when he realized how he was actually proud and thankful of his loyalty, coming all this way to support him, especially given how Miller reacted.

At the moment, moving on to more positive thoughts, he was who knows where on the grounds, but John knew that he needed only step outside and glance around for a few minutes before eyeing the younger man. In the distance. Watching him with a small grin fixated upon his face. A hand lifted slowly, fingers poised like a gun in his own fancy salute. Ocelot. Adamska.

John grunted to bring himself back to reality. Why did it bother him so much, thinking of Ocelot's devotion to him? Was he afraid? _Of what_ , John asked himself. _He's a loyal comrade_... To say the least.

John's wandering mind led back to her. As it almost always did. Her taut eyes staring at him, full of pride for everything she cared about, including John. Eyes that grew empty when he pulled the trigger.

He got up, disturbed yet again. Arching his back in the dark, stretching out his arm, John stood from his bed. At this rate he was unlikely to get any sleep. A glance was thrown to the door, and an uncharacteristic shiver creeped over him. Another set of eyes awaited him out there with those poised fingers and content grin. A set of eyes John found so similar to hers, ever since he figured it out.

But.. Ocelot never truly reminded John of her. Perhaps when Ocelot still sported light blond hair, coupled with piercing eyes full of lashes and sharp cheekbones. Yet as John grew to know Ocelot, working beside him be it with the Patriots or now, Ocelot was still a separate man that John felt a strange respect for. They both wished to live up to The Boss' ideals, and in that was Ocelot like his mother, just as he was alike to John.

_"John..."_

He coughed roughly. John figured it was time to stop thinking so much about Ocelot. It was unusual to have his mind occupied to this extent of the revolver fanatic.

"John?"

This time he realized it wasn't in his head. John cursed himself, being caught unawares was certainly not a strong suit. It didn't help that the reason he was so distracted was standing right there outside his door, calling to him.

"What is it, Ocelot?" John felt uneasy about using Ocelot's true name Adamska, feeling that it made things far too personal. Codenames were what he used for a majority of his life, so Ocelot it was.

"It's late, you should be resting, John," Ocelot was proof of John's thoughts. A trickle of that same unease swung up his spine each time Ocelot spoke his name, growing in strength ever since Ocelot first started using it.

"I couldn't sleep," John turned away, looking down at his disheveled bed, "What are you doing here? Don't you need rest too?"

"Maybe," Ocelot's sharp eyes softened, thick lashes framing the pretty lids. He straightened up, spurs clicking, "I was only having a stroll, and I heard some shuffling."

"Don't worry about it," John dismissed him with a wave of his hand. Ocelot looked as if he would protest, a mouth open with the hints of a word about to trickle out, only to be trapped shut with a nod.

Something tugged at John's chest as Ocelot walked away. It was a defeated gait, one that too reflected his devotion to John by how disappointed it was. This realization only brought guilt to John, and he had no idea why.

* * * * *

Morning came, fresh with the sound of agonized yelps. _Ocelot's early today_ , John thought to himself, groggy from the awakening. Another painful cry was heard, accompanied with the sparkle and sizzle of electricity if John listened close enough. The only thought that came to his mind then, was if Ocelot had stayed awake the whole night if he was torturing this early.

Surely he had interrogated a lot at Mother Base, but Zanzibar was a lot less suspicious because of the Phantom. Then again, now that time has passed, it was possible others were catching on. Curiosity hit John, dragging him out of bed and towards the location of the screams.

The room was just ahead now, past the stairs toward a lower area of their building. Usually screams did not echo so far, if at all, so Ocelot likely had the door open. John could almost smell the singe of burned hair, and a hint of blood. He peeked into the doorway, seeing Ocelot in a way that brought a new kind of uncomfortable.

Wide gleeful eyes betrayed the tight professional mouth of Ocelot's face. He paced around the prisoner, roughly grabbing the hooded man's head to hiss a few questions. John's hair stood on end as he knew what the prisoner was going though, especially as Ocelot rammed an electric rod into the prisoner's rib cage.

Bright electric shocks rippled through the man, and a long screech emitted from the prisoner's mouth. Ocelot pulled away, just in time for the prisoner's head to bob downward, body slumping lifelessly.

Ocelot quickly grabbed the prisoner's neck, feeling for a pulse.

"We're done here," he announced to a fellow soldier standing in the room with him. Ocelot waved his rod towards the prisoner, "Maybe next time he'll tell us something. Take him back to a cell."

Ocelot twirled around, catching John's eye.

"Ah, John, you missed the show," He smiled only slightly, still looking excited after the endeavor, "Nothing to report yet, but I'll get it out of them eventually. It's a good thing I came around."

"Right," John managed to utter, watching as the prisoner was taken away.

"Did you need anything else?" Ocelot brushed a stray silver strand of hair out of his face.

John shook his head, momentarily distracted by that move. He then watched Ocelot's face reflect more disappointment before reverting back into a more stoic and professional stance.

"Bring out the next one," Ocelot almost barked at the soldier, rather than the usual purr he spoke with every once in awhile.

"Ocelot," John called out, suddenly, "I need to see you for a second."

"Of course," Ocelot's purr returned, yet he walked stiffly over to where John was standing.

 _What am I doing?_ John asked himself as he led Ocelot to a more private location.

"What did you need?" Ocelot's face displayed a similar confusion to what John was currently feeling.

"Just, a general report," John resorted to saying, a strange feeling of broken confidence, "Of what you've learned."

"Nothing you don't already know," Ocelot squinted those pretty blue eyes at him, "Did you just want a repeat? At this point, you likely know more than I do."

"Ah, nevermind then."

"I heard you had found some rest last night," Ocelot had a playful grin, "but you weren't asleep for that long."

"Right."

"Anything that does pop up," Ocelot turned his attention to the sound of a soldier calling his name, "You'll be the first to know. If you'll excuse me, I have the next one ready."

John swiftly gripped Ocelot's arm with his own as Ocelot turned away, holding him in place instead.

"Thank you," John was able to muster.

"Of course," Ocelot tilted his head in the slightest, "Glad to help out."

"Not just that," John let go, staring straight at Ocelot, "For... Just being here. Sticking by me, you know?"

Ocelot widened his eyes a little, taking in what John had said. This time a true smile grew upon the younger man's face. A gloved hand reached up, placing itself on John's shoulder, shaking it gently.

"Anything for you, John," Ocelot all but murmured after a moment of silence, hand creeping up John's neck and stopping upon his cheek. John didn't realize how he had moved his head almost eagerly to meet the hand, or when the two of them seemed to lean closer and closer...

"Ocelot?" The soldier's summoning broke John and Ocelot's daze. Ocelot quickly removed his hand, eyes filled with a different kind of excitement, almost of hope.

"If you'll excuse me," Ocelot bowed his head, and departed, but not before turning back around, giving John a good look over. He lifted his arms, gun fingers flicked at his Boss as his signature gesture, and walked away. Leaving John alone in the corner to ponder over what had just happened.

It all felt too familiar. John was thrown back into his memories, years ago back in Groznyj Grad. However, Ocelot reflected no interest other than being a kid looking for his attention, at least to what John assumed. Dense, was what EVA called him, and just now John was starting to realize what she meant by that. At that time John didn't think twice about his feelings for Ocelot other than being an interesting soldier with potential.

Being reminded of EVA also added to the picture. With her it was a different scale compared to Ocelot. Soft kisses and seductive touches were strangers to him, regardless of how intimate EVA had attempted to make things between them.

And it had worked. The hazy night they were together was proof of that, though John remembered little. It certainly didn't help that EVA betrayed him, regardless of her regret and revelation of truth in the end. Of course she turned right back around and helped John with the Patriot's founding, though it was after the Chinese exiled her. However, the last straw with Zero felt like a sort of last straw with her. Les Enfants Terribles. John still trusted her, but he couldn't bring himself to go back to the start. His feelings for her before he knew about all the lies.

But Ocelot... Now Ocelot stood alongside him, at the moment only figuratively, following whatever John needed to be done. Ocelot had never done anything truly antagonistic towards him. John figured that out once he knew that the "jammed bullet" was a blank (Ocelot "Wins" Ending). And even now, it wasn't like John didn't notice the prolonged stares Ocelot gave him, the far off smile he always had whenever John was around. Especially given the recent encounter, was anything really different now? Or was John finally becoming less dense?


	2. Frustration and Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cowboy wants stuff (winky face), but just ends up being a little angsty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is from Ocelot's POV ish. Third person view? Something like that.

Adamska left the scene slightly flustered, heading back to the dungeon. How could he finish the job now, after what happened? John never let him go that far, even if it was just a little tease, but Adamska was brave enough to make such a move because he felt like John knew.

What was he attempting to gain from that, though? An "oh Adam, I love you too!"? Adamska scoffed, earthing himself down. If anything John was just confused, as he always was whenever Adamska even tried some sort of engagement. Back with the Patriots, back when he helped prepare the Phantom, and even back in the past few weeks. He never made it past a flirtatious grin or subtle touch, so the recent situation was the farthest ever, but even then John probably didn't think any of it.

Adamska nearly stomped down the stairs to see the next prisoner strung up like a treat for him. A special present to help him relieve stress. Another cold grin crept across his face, making even his assistants look away.

Twirling his electric rod through his fingers he neared the spy, clinking his spurs threateningly one step and a time. Boyish crushes and romance will have to wait, as Adamska had a job to do.

"So," Adamska hummed, circling the spy who twitched and tried to avoid his gaze, "Yet another worthless spy. You've already failed by being caught, so you might as well talk."

The prisoner only spat, missing Adamska's boot by a few inches. He tsked, waving his prod like a finger.

"Such bad manners," Adamska rumbled maliciously, then jammed the prod into the spy's own foot. He howled in pain, hearing the crunch of toe bones fracturing. Right before the spy began to recover, Adamska let loose the jolts of electricity, catching the spy's choked back breath into another wavering scream.

Adamska continued to toy with the man, each flash of electricity and yelp of suffering helped him slowly forget about any complications between him and John. He merely kept his mind on the prize. For John, it was the information so ready to spill out of the spy's mouth. For Adamska, it was the mere act itself, seeing a body jerk and convulse alongside bright streaks.

In a split second, the spy was John, looking up at Adamska with one pleading blue eye. Adamska paused, feeling a chill in his bones as he circled the peculiar change of circumstance. Another jab of electricity, without pause, right between the shoulders. John yelled in his head, twisting and arching his back... But not from pain.

"Had enough?" Adamska licked his lips, eying the body's muscular back. The spy had nowhere near John's fine physique, but Adamska's mind was far away.

"Fuck you!" Was the man's spittled reply.

"Mmm, if only," Adamska cooed, tracing the rod down John's shivering skin.

"Wh- what-" Adamska thrusted the rod straight onto the lower back.

More electricity surged via an eager finger, silencing all but choked screams from the now frightened spy. A new kind of frightened from the way Adamska circled his prey, eyes hungry and watching the man who was hardly clothed.

And soon it was over, the spy spilling all the information he could, therefore snapping Adamska from his "vision". He turned away, fidgeting at what came over his mind before returning to face the prisoner - to make sure it wasn't John. He then swiftly ended the spy's life, pulling a revolver from it's holster and firing it right between the eyes a millisecond after the spy said "that's all I know".

Adamska sighed, gesturing towards the body to be removed. What he felt during that time was certainly not the first Adamska fantasized in that room. Fortunately neither his new assistants nor the prisoner's seemed to notice how much he felt... Aroused from the sessions. Even more so, now that Adamska had the real John to be around.

Another image crossed Adamska's mind, one of John slumped over, his hands strung up. Panting heavily with labored breaths through a heaving muscular chest. Tongue lolled out as he licked wet lips twitching, begging for more silently through an icy alluring stare.

Adamska bit his glove, muttering a dismissal to his assistant and departing for a brisk walk outside. He needed to calm down before anyone saw him, especially John, and risk embarrassment to explain the tightening in his pants.

Lucky for Adamska he was capable of "neutralizing" himself after a cold walk alone. Years of being a spy helped him prevent blowing his cover, whatever that would entail. Add on to that the years of suppressed feelings for John, and Adamska could easily hide almost anything, so he thought.

Adamska took a deep breath. It was nearing nightfall, the sun making a fairly gorgeous orange horizon spread across the sky, framed by luscious leaves of tall trees. A much more vibrant view than Mother Base.. He shivered, leaning over the railing that he had made his way over. It was one of the higher balconies that Adamska enjoyed, simply for the view. John was down below, catching his eye as he always did. Adamska merely did a wave of his hand. As he always did.

If only John was up with him, holding him close and being enveloped in his muscular arms. Maybe even a kiss or two on the nape of his neck, pulling down his scarf. biting him.

Adamska froze. John was moving, heading towards the stairs up to his platform. Worried that his face looked as warm as he felt, Adamska held his gloves to his cheeks, letting the leather cool them temporarily. Maybe John wasn't coming this way. _Hopefully he is_...

Once John reached the top, he rounded a corner, out of Adamska's sight. It was a 50/50 chance for him to head to either his building or the mess hall. To be fair the mess hall was likely, and Adamska calmed his disappointed nerves, telling himself it was best to be alone for now.

"Ah, Ocelot," John's voice called from behind him. _Damnit_.

"John," Adamska turned around, watching John come closer, placing himself comfortably close next to Adamska, hands gripping the railing.

"Maybe only after thirty minutes since I last spoke with you I hear a gunshot," John mentioned, watching him with one eye, "You may want to consider closing the doors when you're working, by the way."

"Sorry," Adamska bowed his head slightly, cautious, "Ah, but I suppose you want to know what the spy said before he expired."

"Right," John nodded curtly, turning to face him.

"They're getting smarter, our adversaries, not the spies mind you," Adamska tapped his fingers, "A few new locations to check out, but whoever is after us, likely FOX, has done an unfortunately decent job at keeping their spies out of the loop."

Ugh, he had it bad. Adamska closed his eyes and leaned forward while relaying the intel. He couldn't bare to look at John now, who watched as Adamska continued to talk. Something about the lighting, about the way John leaned forward to listen to everything he said. Trusting.

Once finished, Adamska rested his face upon his crisscrossed fingers in shame for what was going over him. Who was he kidding? John will likely never return his feelings aside from eying him as a loyal friend. He was here for the information and his loyalty, nothing else that Adamska could offer.

Adamska opened one eye after realizing John still did not speak up, still watching him. The same quizzical look he had earlier, when it seemed like they were about to _kiss_. His heart fluttered, confused but suddenly hopeful. Naively hopeful.

"I'm done," Adamska suggested as a way for John to start saying something.

"Alright," John hummed, straightening his back, "You're all tense."

"That's what you got out of the intel?" Adamska joked, batting his eyes once.

"I can understand intel," He explained, "But not what people are really thinking about. You're all stiff and distracted."

Adamska pouted, only slightly bothered at being analyzed.

"Sorry," John shrugged, "What you told me was very helpful."

"Don't be sorry," Adamska sighed, "It's nothing to be concerned about."

"Now come on, Ocelot," John huffed, reaching his arm over Adamska's shoulders and playfully shaking him, "You can tell me anything."

"Uh," Adamska coughed, looking up at John from under his arm like a sick puppy, "Just.. A little tired, really."

"Up early and strolling in the night," John recalled, "Can't sleep for some reason?"

"Yeah," Adamska gulped. Being so near to John was doing wonders, face turned to his neck and gently inhaling his scent. He traced John's jawline with his eyes, marveling him.

"Me too," John nodded, not paying attention, "A little stressful, our work. Hard to keep all the.. Thoughts together."

While saying that John had turned down to look at Adamska, whose face was almost buried in John's neck. He wasn't touching him, but he was so close... Adamska looked back up, slightly flushed, before the two of them pulled away from each other.

"That was a little awkward, wasn't it?" John chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Not for me," Adamska murmured, keeping his gaze at John.

"Oh," John merely stared back. A trickle of a smirk suddenly made it's way across his face, "Good."

A small knowing smirk. The same smirk he gave Adamska right after he said his name for the first time. A tiny flicker of understanding... And welcomeness?

"BOSS!" A soldier's voice boomed out from below, capturing both of their attentions, "I wanted to ask a few questions on our missions!"

"Be right there!" John called back down to him. He turned back to Adamska, patting his back before pulling his hand away, almost dragging it across his shirt and skin. Adamska was still a little starstruck at what just occurred.

"You... Going to be alright?" John asked, looking at Adamska's stillness.

"One way to find out," Adamska murmured, bravery stabbing his heart. He leaned forward with a hand to John's cheek, picking up where they had previously left off. Before John could pull away, Adamska planted a gentle kiss on John's other cheek, leaving his lips lingering just below the eyepatch, before retreating slowly.

John hadn't moved aside from one unreadable eye, focused only on Adamska as they looked at each other. Out of what happened today, _this_ moment was the awkward one.

"Boss?" The voice echoed. He was looking up, a hand over his sunglasses as a redundant visor, giving Adamska the relief to assume that he didn't see.

"Ah, you'd better go," Adamska coughed, backing away from John. He still didn't move.

"I'll go, uh, write down those reports," Adamska announced curtly, and hurriedly retreated into the building. Once he disappeared around the door, Adamska took a peek through an open window to see John still frozen in place. Only when the soldier called for him a third time did John jolt his head back up, and slowly and groggily walk away.

Torn between his fears and his hopes, fearful of John being scared off vs. hope that John was as starstruck as he made Adamska feel... But the one thing Adamska left it at, was wondering if had he messed up their entire relationship.

Cursing under his breath, Adamska slinked back to his quarters. He wished he hadn't been cocky enough, and wished he only left it at a smile. Wished for something, anything, to assure Adamska that nothing was wrong. And while he was at it, wish that John returned his feelings.

 _Get a fucking hold of yourself_ , Adamska thought while he stormed away, _I've probably just proved that I have no chance with him._

 _Let's just hope things don't get any worse_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HhehehHHahahHahaHAHAHA awww poor baby. Don't worry, things can only get better. Sorta.


	3. Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot gets what he wanted. Sorta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels a little shorter than the others, but it serves its purpose from that

He stormed into the room with a determination to get some answers.

Ocelot jumped up, startled by the rude intrusion. He was sitting at his desk, reading over all of the current reports, until John barged in.

"What was that?" John demanded a little too harshly than he had wanted, one blue eye glaring at Ocelot.

"What do you mean, John?" Ocelot looked suspicious, tensed up, adding more to John's infuriated attitude.

"Is kissing one of the 'anything's' you'd do for me?" John questioned rhetorically, referring to the events that occurred yesterday. It had been almost a full 24 hours, and John basically avoided Ocelot until now. John was just confused. He didn't understand. All his thoughts made no sense. And unfortunately he was being too confrontational all of a sudden about it to the man who supposedly fell for him. No, not supposedly. Without a doubt fell for him.

"Something... Wrong with that?" It was panic this time that dabbled with Ocelot's words, as well as a tinge of hurt.

The sound of that calmed John a little, reducing his confused rage at Ocelot. It wasn't fair for him to react this way, especially knowing how much Ocelot adored him. Loved him.

Love? John wasn't sure where that came from. He knew it was the right word to use, but it felt so personal and intimate, something far more intimate than just using their real names.

But as John looked over Ocelot's growing panic and hurt at the silence, he finally pieced it all together. Ever since Ocelot started obsessing over him back in 1964, Ocelot had always pursued John. He didn't know exactly when that persistence turned to something more. Something John thought he might have developed if EVA didn't betray him. Something that was thrown at him each and every time Ocelot ever did anything for him. Something that radiated off of Ocelot when he kissed his cheek - what radiated off of him right at that moment.

"John?"

Once again his name gave him a shiver, and he softened his rigid stance. Ocelot stood up, taking a step forward before thinking better of it.

"Nothing, sorry," John shook his head away, trying to collect his thoughts.

"And here I thought you were too dense."

"Huh?" John looked up in shock, seeing an almost shy smirk across the handsome man's face. _Very_ handsome.

"Why else would I come visit you all the way out here? Did you _just_ realize?" Ocelot questioned, taking a brave step closer, " _Just_ now?"

"Realize what?" John was almost in denial at this point. How strange was it that The Boss' son loved him so much, the son of a woman that he himself almost cared for in a similar fashion. _Hmph. First The Boss, EVA, and now him. Blondes_.

"That.." Ocelot looked confused this time, not sure of what occurred after John started to react bluntly and coldly.

"Nevermind," Ocelot sighed, once again defeated, "I guess it didn't mean anything."

Whatever hope that soared in Ocelot's- No... _Adamska_ 's eyes had now died... And this broke John's heart.

Enough so that John's legs moved forward to jumpstart it. First with a few steps toward whom he knew as Ocelot, and then with his arms moving up to Adamska's face.

"What-" Adamska's beautiful eyes widened at the forwardness. A warm, rough hand caressed his medium-length hair. Adamska instinctively moved his head to follow the stroke, taking in a small gasp as John closed the distance between their lips.

It was a brief and awkward kiss. Twitchy lips and scratching beards, but John could tell by the way Adamska almost crumpled forward that he had wanted this moment for so long. John detached his mouth from Adamska's to get a good look at his face. Adamska had a dreamy stare, piercing pretty eyes burning into his own. It was almost a stupid little look of boyish glee, enough so that John decided he didn't want to look anymore from embarrassment. He leaned forward again to rectify that.

He brushed his lips more firmly against Adamska's, tongue dragging across the bottom lip, and then inside his mouth. Adamska eagerly returned the kiss, pressing his lips and breathing John in. John felt Adamska's hands reach up and squeeze his back, pushing them into a closer embrace as their tongues licked and danced.

Adamska was now pressed up against the wall, trapped between it and John. He lowered his hands, soaring past the straps and pockets, gripping John's hips, and then his ass, feeling and squeezing the firm cheeks. John tensed, pushing Adamska closer whilst he moved his kisses to his neck.

"Oh John," Adamska managed to utter as John swirled his tongue across the nape of his neck, suckling every so often at his sensitive skin, each moment causing a ripple of a low groan. John tugged and pulled away at the obstructing red scarf, hands continuing their job by moving on to Adamska's shirt. Buttons started becoming undone, and soon the shirt was open.

John noticed how his hips began to move almost automatically, grinding up against a curious bulge in Adamska's pants. John himself started to get more and more aroused, a large erection pressing up against Adamska's stomach. When John looked up at Adamska, a wild grin was returned to him.

But John stopped, staring only into Adamska's eyes, watching them flicker into confusion.

"John?" Adamska made a half-hearted chuckle, brushing back disheveled hair, "Is everything okay?"

"I.." John breathed, slightly winded, "I need to think." He was overwhelmed, multiple thoughts rushing through him.

"What's there to think about?" There was a wavering in Adamska's voice, as if terribly afraid of John's answer. Shaky hands were brought up, tentatively brushing through John's hair. One hand had moved downward, stroking his scars, relishing the missing shrapnel to remind Adamska that the man in front of him was real... Then pausing at the eyepatch guiltily.

"John?"

 _Jack_.

Practically horrified, John could almost see her face, in front of him where Adamska should have been. _This is wrong. This is wrong_.

"I'm sorry," John choked out, before breaking out of Adamska's grasp and leaving, ignoring his calls.

* * * * *

It was cold without him. Adamska remained standing there, half hoping that he would come back.

What was that sudden change in John? His eye was wide, staring right at him... And through him. Adamska just couldn't understand. _Did I do something wrong_?

His heart heavy, Adamska turned and sat on his bed.

* * * * *

_He's not her, you're being an idiot._

_She's dead. You killed her. You know that._

_You killed her._

_He's her son. She's your mentor._

_So wrong, not right, not okay and horribly wrong._

_John._

_Jack._

_John._

_Jack._

_**John..** _

He bit his lip, drawing blood. The coppery taste helped ground himself. Why? Why did he have to make things so complicated?

Here he was, breaking another close friend's heart. No, not just a friend. It was Ocelot. Adamska. Adam. He was so much more.

But he couldn't handle it. John could never get over the sound of the bullet, the red flowers, the clear and empty eyes before they closed for a final time.

Adamska was her _son_. It felt like he was betraying her, making light of her by fooling around with her _son_.

The back of his throat clenched at the thought. Maybe it wasn't fooling around. It's not fair for him to lead Adamska on. He probably doesn't even know about his mother.

Did _she_ know? What would she think now? Would she be okay with it, accepting that he found comfort with another man, her son? Or would she be disgusted?

 _Why does it have to be this way_? John had no tears left, but each step he made further from Adamska's room continued to rip at his heart.

_Why did you leave me, Boss? It would be so much easier if you were still with me, helping me, telling me it's okay._

_So much easier._

_John..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) stay tuned for tomorrow at around midnight to 1AM EST, which is when I plan on uploading chapters
> 
> I MAY be merciful


	4. Step by Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After blowing off steam, the Snake fools around with the Ocelot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Shalashacelot lifts up their arm- Behold, my children. You have all been so kind, so I have been merciful... I present to you... What you've all been waiting for...

_"It's a blank!" He grinned, laughing heartily and wholesomely. The man in front of him only looked befuddled, looking back between their two guns, "Ah, that was fun."_

_And it was. Spinning his revolver several flashy times before holstering it again, he walked over to the man, who merely brought up the other revolver in response._

_Smirking, he put a hand upon his, lowering the gun as a way of telling him - keep it. From me. Another hand reached over and patted his arm out of comradery._

_Another stare, two blue eyes to one. After what seemed like minutes of listening to wailing winds and failing gears, and watching each other, he then turned, heading for the aircraft's door. Something within him pulled him back, and he turned his face to the man._

_"Till we meet again," he announced, posing his hand and flicking it towards the man in a fancy gun salute._

_"John."_

_A small smile, a smirk, a grin, slowly grew upon John's face - one eye even twinkled as realization set. The man understood with that smile, and in it was the respect that he was so desperate for._

_Quickly turning his face away, hiding a curious tiny flush in his face, he jumped out. Leaving John behind. For now._

* * * * *

_He had to see him again. Just once. Just a little._

_Hearing the applause loud enough to echo outside of the room, he walked over, peeking through the window._

_There, walking over to the men in charge. An eye observing solemnly, crossing the room._

_He continued to watch as the President announced the award, placing it on John's chest. Reaching out to shake hands, his eye flickered._

_John spotted him._

_Hoping he didn't look as flustered as he felt, he got into view, making sure attention was on him with a finger in the air before tossing up his gun finger salute in approval._

_Another grin. So tiny, barely there, but with the same undertone of acceptance and acknowledgment. One reserved specifically for him yet again. Stepping out of his haze of anger that John undoubtedly felt. To smile for him._

_John's attention was grabbed again by the President, turning him away from the window._

_At that, he took his chance to leave. Smiling for himself, this time. He had some thoughts to process._

* * * * *

He sighed. He'd been sitting in his temporary room at Zanzibar. Temporary only because he knows he will never be able to reside permanently with _him_ , especially if he was unwilling to commit.

He had thought that bitterly, running his gloved hands through his hair. He closed his eyes, sighed deeply. It was getting later and later, but it was hard to tell. He didn't bother trying to find the time, it felt like it flew by. Frighteningly fast. It didn't matter at this point. He couldn't sleep.

He relived his memories, each and every time he spoke to John, hinted at his feelings toward him. Only recently had he gotten a reaction that fulfilled what he wanted - mostly.

The taste of his lips still lingered, smell still in his room. What was that, two, three hours ago? He had barely moved, eyes kept on the door. Each little breeze that blew by, each shadow of a flickering tree, caused a jump in his wounded heart.

Where was he now?

* * * * *

Smoke filled the room, clouding his sight, ears, nose, everything. He coughed, rough and sourly. He smushed his cigar on a tray prematurely, then reached for another.

He got up, walking to a window to grab a quick breath of clean air, before diving back into the new cigar.

 _Shck,_ the lighter sounded, without the flash of a flame. He shook the container lightly in his ear.

 _Fuck. Fuck, fuck_ , "Fuck, fuck-"

"FUCK," he shouted, slamming his fist into the wall. His hand stayed, ignoring the twinges of pain creeping up his arm.

Lowering it, slowly, unwillingly, he stood there in silence.

* * * * *

He found his scarf, wrapping it tightly around his neck. He was angry, pulling at his gloves to secure them on. Justifiably or not, he didn't care.

He swung up to stand, clicking his spurs furiously, his mouth twitching in a similar fashion.

With eyes furrowed in such a way only his victims saw before death, he prowled out of his room, out into the night.

* * * * *

He couldn't take it any more, tossing the useless lighter and cigar into the abyss of his room. One pace around, hands holding his head.

Making a decision, he straightened up, breathing in a final inhale of the stuffed up room.

He walked out.

* * * * *

He could have just left, stealing a helicopter, a bike, anything. He could just leave. He had to eventually anyway.

But his shaking fists didn't allow it, causing him to navigate through the empty dark halls. Just a few more rooms.

* * * * *

He maintained a slow gait, dreading each moment he made further from the comfort of his own room.

But he couldn't leave it at that. It wasn't fair to him. His thoughts swirling around in his mind just like the smoke his room. He didn't even notice that all he heard was _John_.

Only _John_...

He lifted his head, a new sound. Spurs echoing.

* * * * *

They stopped.

They stared.

One ran over, hand grabbing at the other's shirt, fist clenched in a new kind of fury.

They stared closer.

* * * * *

John tossed Adamska onto the nearby bed, a random bed, someone else's, but neither of them cared. Adamska twisted, jumping on top of John roughly and securing his dominance.

John only smirked through their smashing mouths, dragging his hands up the figure pressing up against him. He figured he could afford at least one moment of Adamska winning.

Adamska ripped at John's shirt, leaning forward and moving his kisses to swirling his tongue on John's neck and chest, drinking him in. He was enraptured, holding John, kissing him, tasting him and grasping his hair. He could barely breathe, suffocating himself in John's arms. Suffocating in the thick smell of cigar smoke and musky skin, and he loved it.

A ready, shaky hand reached down, while his mouth reached up to kiss John. Fingers railing across John's broad chest, gently squeezing the muscles and tracing the scars. The long, snake-shaped one once again captured his attention, only briefly, again reminding to something he once heard as a kid... before pushing that aside and settling his hand further.

Adamska's tongue traced John's lips as gloved fingers traced the edge of John's trousers. Tauntingly, he squeezed his hand through, resting excitedly on John's slowly hardening cock.

Adamska bit his lip, eyes closed in whatever fantasies he was having at that moment. John took this moment to pause, pulling out of their messy embrace, then moving back in to kiss him tenderly... Lovingly... With enough love to show how much John felt for him that he couldn't just put into words.

The fingers tickled, massaging his penis slowly, like fluttering kisses. John grunted, detaching their lips. He should have figured Adamska was a tease if he got his way. This wouldn't do.

Overtaking him, John swung upward, grabbing Adamska and switching positions once again, slamming Adamksa's back into the bed. Wild murderous eyes glared back at John, taking him by surprise. At that, Adamska reared back up, tossing John to the side and jumping back on top, hands on John's shoulders in an attempt to secure them. He had a pout.

John laughed, louder than he would have wanted. Adamska huffed, softer than he would have wanted. John craftily shed Adamska's shirt, revealing his well kept muscles. He left the scarf and gloves. It was cute.

John craned his neck upward, giving Adamska a well deserved kiss. He figured it would be best not to make him any more upset. It was almost always a duel with him.

John let his hands wrap around Adamska's waist, wiggling him free of his slacks. It was a fairly new experience to John, seeing another man's genitalia. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, but seeing Adamska look lustfully down at him, silvery gray hair framing sharp cheekbones and beautiful lusciously lashed pale blue eyes...

Adamska turned his head and spat heavily into his hand, quite frankly ruining the moment. He then tossed John a wicked, devilish grin, wet hand reaching down and stroking John's cock, moistening it, shifting his hips and preparing.

John held back a gasp as Adamska lowered, slowly inching John's cock inside him, sliding through until he couldn't. Adamska bent backward with a groan, closing his eyes and he lifted again, and went down again.

His head fell forward, mouth slightly open, gasping. John reached up, pulling his face close. They kissed.

Their bodies held together, hips thrusting. John's breathing started to get ragged, heavy puffs upon Adamska's neck, who only shivered in response. Almost instinctively, John licked his skin, kissing sweetly before planting his teeth hard on the base of his neck, biting him through his scarf.

True to John's assumption, Adamska liked it, groaning only in response while his gloved hands tugged at John's hair. He loosened his scarf, allowing John more access, to which he continued greedily, scratching at his back.

Adamska was getting rougher with his movements, his entire body almost devoted to allowing John to ram into him, cock filling him up and stroking, up and down, hands on hips, sweat beading off each other, breaths labored, faster and harsher.

" _Fuck_ ," Adamska moaned in John's ears, " _John_..."

Soon neither of them could take it, and John reached his orgasm, choking on a grunt as he filled Adamska with cum. Adamska nearly whimpered at the feeling, a shudder of pure pleasure coursing through his body as he too sprayed out cum all over John's chest. John slowed his hips, riding out the rest of his orgasm before pulling out and crashing beside Adamska.

After a sliver of a moment of rest, Adamska turned to cradle John's head, kissing him yet again. He truly did love him, John now realized, so willing to embrace him at each moment. Given what had just occurred, John acknowledged his own feelings towards his "comrade", tensing his lips to the sweet rhythm of their pulsating kiss. Sleep washed over the two of them, parting their kiss with a sigh as they slept side by side. The sun started to peek in through the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time really doing smut, so :)))))))) hope it was alright! Keep a look out for chapter five tomorrow!


	5. A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the best day of Ocelot's life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something sweet to tide you guys over :)

Adamska awoke, alone in his own room. He felt tired, sore, and confused. What had happened to him last night?

Visions of quick heavy sex returned to his mind, causing a naive blush across his cheeks. He bit a gloved finger, grinning in bliss to the fulfilling memories, but where was John now?

Adamska suddenly felt doubt that what had occurred was real, especially given the wilder dreams he used to have about John. Biting, gripping, scratching... But this time Adamska's soreness must relay some truth. Especially given the stained aftermath. But how did he get back?

He got up after cleaning and adjusting his outfit, walking outside of his room to look around. Soldiers busy, but no Boss.

 _It_ was _all of a sudden_ , Adamska thought to himself, _He most likely wants to be left alone_.

Seeing the low set sun and thinking it was high time to stop acting like a little school girl, Adamska headed towards his torture chamber, ready to continue with his work. No matter what happened between him and John, they still had a job to do.

* * * * *

He missed, jabbing the shoulder instead of the neck. Adamska cursed under his breath, but followed through with the shock, sending more screams across the room. He still would have received the same result, but Adamska wanted it to be more painful.

It was not like him to be distracted in the chamber. The pains of his subjects usually brought an excited tingle in him, but all Adamska could focus on was the door. Waiting for someone to walk in.

He hadn't seen John since three nights ago, if he had at all been with him. Perhaps he was just on a mission, but Adamska was not made aware of it. Maybe John was avoiding him. Was he ashamed? Did he regret it? Those questions settled stubbornly in Adamska's gut.

"I'm done with this," Adamska muttered aloud, gesturing to the prisoner. A surprised soldier quickly moved to detain the man.

 _That wasn't so bad_ , Adamska heard the prisoner remark as a response to the rather short torture scene. He scoffed, remembering to make it extra horrific for the man later.

He strolled out into the open air, listening to the rustle of thick trees. Listening to the voices of soldiers passing him.

Adamska turned, recognizing one of those voices. There John was, looking a little more ragged than usual. He _had_ been on a mission from the looks of it, and apparently had just returned. Feeling a little hurt at not being informed, Adamska wanted to stroll up and confront the older man. John caught Adamska's eye, and waved curtly towards him, devoid of any affection shown towards him those nights ago.

What he thought was reality sank in Adamska's stomach. Perhaps he did dream it after all. Disappointment slouched his shoulders as he turned away. John must have noticed, as he dismissed his briefing to the fellow soldiers, and made his way across to where Adamska stood.

"Ocelot," John gruffed, making Adamska turn back around, "Any more... intel?"

"Not much," Adamska responded just as coldly, "I've written up everything, and one of your commanders will want to see you personally about them. Other than that, nothing new. At all."

"I see," John nodded, looking back around him, "...How are you?"

Curiosity raised Adamska's brow, eying John over.

"Alright," Adamska responded. John didn't seem to like that answer, straightening his back.

"You're upset," John observed, holding a tentative hand upon Adamska's shoulder. He merely glanced at the move, before returning a look to John.

"You didn't tell me you'd be gone for a while," Adamska narrowed his eyes, feeling very petty about the complaint.

"Oh, " John muttered, "I guess I forgot when we last... Uh, saw one another."

The way John paused between the words sent another small shiver up his spine.

"What are you talking about?" Adamska asked cautiously.

"When-" John looked quizzically at Adamska, "Don't you remember? We, uh, spent the night."

Relief, and something more, washed over Adamska.

"Most of it," John coughed in conclusion.

"I had thought that was a dream," Adamska breathed, softening his posture.

"Oh," John merely shuffled awkwardly, somewhat uncomfortable talking about this in the open air. He cleared his throat, having an inner debate before turning slowly to Adamska. He kissed him, soft lips massaging tense ones. Tense only for a moment before joining in. Their heads swirled before pulling away.

"Still a dream?" John chuckled, analyzing Adamska's silly starstruck daze. He seemed at a lost for words.

"I guess I should have woken you when I moved you to your room," John explained, "But, years of carrying tranqed up bodies tend to make you a little careful. Besides, you were so peaceful."

Suddenly appearing embarrassed, Adamska coughed gently, looking down. A soldier had passed by, looking at them in a mute shock as if wondering if what he was seeing was true. Adamska shot him a mean glare, and the soldier ran off.

"Hah!" John chuckled, "That's the same soldier who saw me carrying you out of his room. If he wasn't sure what he was looking at then, he sure does now."

"It'll be all over the grounds," Adamska grumbled.

"I don't mind," John smirked, analyzing Adamska's face. Only _his_ face. _John_...

Adamska bit his lip, hiding a smile. It was cute, seeing him so bashful. It was like he still couldn't believe it. John too.

They stood there in a comfortable silence, watching the busy lives of soldiers prancing about below them. An occasional glance was tossed their way, a similar look of disbelief shared amongst them from the earlier soldier.

Adamska rolled his eyes, noticing them too.

"They'll get over it," John rumbled humorously, "When you're gone, it'll be like nothing happened."

Wrong choice of words. John realized that too late when Adamska whipped his head up, eyes flaring their long lashes. _Shit_.

"To them," John attempted to recover, unsure of the extent to how much Adamska would be offended by his statement. He had so little to go on when it came to "relationships". Something nagged at him. Was that what this was?

"I know," Adamska turned away, face blank and unreadable, "Won't be long now, will it?"

"Adamska," John called to him, leaning close. Adamska flickered his eyes over.

"You," He was quiet, "Hardly ever called me that, if at all."

He was getting somewhere.

"Adam," John repeated, creeping his hand up his arm, but he wasn't sure what to follow up with that. Adamska looked imploringly at him, wanting... But they both knew the truth.

When John still said nothing, Adamska closed his eyes with a long drawn out sigh.

"John," he whispered, "I'm leaving in two days."

John clenched his fists, reopening them quickly when he realized Adamska's arm was still trapped under one of them. He paid no notice.

"I see."

"I can't afford to be here longer," He continued, "They'll catch on, putting the whole operation in danger."

"And before you say anything," Adamska interrupted John's opened mouth, "No, it won't be worth it. Each day I stay here, the more other spies we don't catch report our presence. They see me, they make the connection, they find out everything."

"Isn't it already too late, if we've missed someone-" John started, trying to bargain, anything.

"Maybe," Adamska was barely audible, "I shouldn't have even come here in the first place be _cause_ of that. I don't want to risk it any further, but I had just wanted to see you."

Another silence. John was never the best in these situations. He did stealth for a reason.

Instead, letting actions take over, John reached his hand up, brushing through Adamska's hair, pulling his head over to kiss him again. Longer, this time, without care of the soldiers watching, even hearing an "I _knew_ it".

His lips pressed, moving in a sweet and slow rhythm to Adamska's. John's tongue swiped his bottom lip, pushing into his mouth for a deeper kiss, heads moving forward, struggling to maintain a balance.

And then it was over, both of them pulling away, slowly disconnecting, eyes staring.

John continued to stroke his hair, savoring the moment in fear that it would all be taken away from him... _Again_.

This time not because of The Boss, or even EVA. Just because of everything John had been through, all his loyalties and trusts in people, ripped away over time.

Yet here was Adamska, in his arms, looking at him in a way John never thought had truly existed until now.

"Two days, hm?" John hummed.

"Right."

"Forty eight hours."

"Mmhm?"

"Two thousand... Eight hundred and eighty minutes."

"John, what are you doing."

"Are you just going to stand _here_ the whole time?" John grinned, examining Adamska's eyes squint. He wrapped an arm around Adamska's hip, hinting.

Adamska pulled away without a word, walking and leaving John to be confused this time.

"Wait, what I meant wa-" John started to call out, but Adamska had turned back around to face him, face slightly scrunched.

"Well, come on," He gestured, nodding his head in the general direction of his room, and walking off again

Grinning widely, John followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now wasn't that all nice and touchy feely~ summing most things up because tomorrow is the final chapter! I know my sweets, I know... But all good things must come to an end.
> 
> Wink.


	6. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale of "Too Many Names"! What a good run, but of course, Ocelot has to go fuck off/get old/start helping out Liquid and all that... but first, some happy (for the most part)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all prepared for what's gonna happen because I'm not

_His eyes were closed, mouth open to let out the occasional moan whilst John slammed into him from behind._

_His head was yanked backward almost violently, John's hand gripping his hair, reaching over to kiss and nibble at his neck, breathing._

_"John," He moaned, "Oh, John, oh shit, fuck-"_

_John picked up pace, another hand stroking Adamska's cock, both of them so near, John traveling his kisses to his jaw, his ear, his cheek. Adamska readily turned his head, locking their lips_.

* * * * *

Adamska twirled a few strands of John's hair with his finger, eyes half-closed, watching the man sleep while he couldn't.

It was night, the forest still alive with chirruping insects and thinking ocelots. One, at least.

Adamska was resting behind John, arm wrapped around him protectively, the other still twirling and playing gently with his hair. Many thoughts were going through him when he had awaken, seeing John still with him.

It was life-fulfilling, being here. Adamska sighed, burying his face into John's neck, inhaling him in.

It was tough, watching John as still as he was during his coma. He had spent so many years, just watching him, afraid he'd never wake up. Part of him now still reflected that.

It was tough back at Mother Base, watching John's double descend into something John would never be. It was tougher still watching the double interact with Quiet, who was always capturing his attention in a way Adamska had struggled for a few decades to do for the _real_ one.

It finally worked, from the looks of it, Adamksa had hoped, watching the rise and fall of John's chest, deep in a peaceful sleep. John probably wasn't in it for the sex, Adamska thought it was best to get that out of the way. He hoped, at least, given their record that it wasn't the case. John wasn't that kind of person anyway.

Adamska got up, just a little, to see his face. John's closed good eye twitching. _I wonder what he's dreaming about_.

Lowering back down with a carefully placed kiss on John's cheek, Adamska returned to his thoughts.

He breathed in unison with him, maybe as a way of trying to go to sleep. He hated being left alone with a wandering mind. It did things he didn't like.

Yet still, there he was, fully capable to acknowledge that they had one more full day. After that, Adamska had to find his way back to the states. The Patriots needed him back, though Adamska sort of resented them. Not only that, Adamska did not want to be the cause of Zanzibar's failure, if anyone found out because of him.

With each stare at John's neck, his scars, his skin, it was harder and harder to accept the fact that Adamska had to leave. He just didn't want to. The last week was a rush of feelings that were finally brought to the surface. How could he suppress them now?

 _It will be easy_ , Adamska thought bitterly, _as I'll probably never see John again after this_.

He always thought that, every time they departed. Their line of work was so demanding - it was a threat to maintain contact with John. This had hit Adamska a long time ago.

But now the bruises of it lingered, bringing with it more pain as Adamska kept acknowledging it. Sure, at this point they had always met again. That was obvious given their position at the moment.

However, the time gaps were getting larger, frighteningly so. And then, seeing John in that coma, half-way crossed between the line of life and death... That brought the new realization to Adamska.

 _Just savor the moment_ , Adamska ordered himself, squeezing closer to John, _It won't do you any good to keep ruining yourself like this with stupid paranoid thoughts._.

... _Even if it they are true_....

* * * * *

John had awoken to soft kisses in his hair, turning lovingly to see Adamska with him. The got up together, embracing. Adamska seemed fully prepared to not let him go. It was alright, John had a free day today anyway. He made sure.

They ended up talking. _Really_ talking. Sharing small adventures, missions, trying to shove anything either of them may have missed about each other. It led to a few laughs, a few kisses, a lot of kisses, but nothing too in depth. Just something to keep them going.

John "took him out", only figuratively given their location. They walked without shame, the tips of fingers touching only slightly so that if anyone noticed, they could tell.

John failed at doing anything fancy. He had next to no idea how to properly spend the day with someone, let alone make a proper meal for them. Adamska commented on it, only half-joking. As a result, Adamska showed him a few pointers in cooking. _How did you ever get by_ , Adamska remarked, standing behind John to guide him in the steps. _Like in the movies_ , Adamska had said with a cocky grin. John's reply was a grunt and roll of the eyes. Smiling.

On that, Adamska led John back to his room, ready to finally show John a Spaghetti Western or two. He picked a random one, without looking at the title. During the first run, John couldn't help but remark and criticize faulty fight scenes, particularly the guns. They argued, only playfully. Adamska took out and twirled his revolvers in tune to those on screen. John found that part hilarious.

After the movie ended, leaving them stuck in a debate about how the plot should have continued, they replayed it, both of them ready to show the other what for. Half-way through it hardly mattered, the two of them resorted to making up by making out. Tongues massaging passionately, breaking off once the credits started to roll, regarding each other with a humorous "oh!", before Adamska smiled, giving him another smooch. They both knew John was right anyway, of course he was. Adamska just wanted to see him excited.

It may have been a strange sight, two middle-aged men being so smitten with each other, but given how many difficulties the both of them had to endure, the universe could afford them one day without worry.

They ended the day together. Not as rough, without as much urgent need, but passionately. Hands holding each other, soft, meaningful movements, bodies so close, pressing slowly and gently, late into the night. Even when it was over, they didn't let go, stroking each other's hair with kitten kisses. Sleeping when they couldn't stay awake anymore.

* * * * *

The helicopter whirred dangerously over head, a looming presence to both John and Adamska. John was hugging him, not letting go.

Adamska seemed to have no intention to either, but the copter continued to chop at the air, loud and foreboding, constantly reminding them.

"TURN THAT OFF!" John shouted as loud as he could at the pilot, startling both he and Adamska. He would be damned if he couldn't say his heart-felt goodbyes without screaming them. As the whirring died down, Adamska looked back at John, curious.

"Adamska," John murmured, running fingers through his hair, "Do you _really_ -"

"Yes John," Adamska hushed him, shaking his head, "Or everything will be ruined."

"It feels like it already is," John frowned, stroking Adamska's cheek. There was a flicker of a grin.

"Cheesy," He chuckled

"I want to apologize," John started suddenly, arguing with himself if it was the right thing to do.

"For what?"

John bit his lip, still thinking. He wanted to tell him. He might never get the chance.

"You remember, The Boss?"

Adamska backed up curiously, looking John over.

"Of course".

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted a few days ago," John sighed, giving in, "Storming off the first time."

"How does that... Relate?" Adamska squinted, unknowing.

"She's your mother."

No response.

Fearful, John tried searching his face. Adamska wasn't looking at him, only downward, a tight mouth on his face.

"I think I always knew," His words were a whisper, in his mind he traced the self-inflicted snake-like scar. _For The Boss_ , he had been told. "Did you... See her in me?"

He hit it right on the nail.

"Yes," John admitted. He couldn't lie to him. Not now. Not that he ever did. But this moment was crucial.

"Oh."

Crestfallen, John moved closer, holding his arm.

"That's why I panicked. I knew it was wrong," John attempted to make up, "But I never _loved_ her, she was like a mother to me."

Adamska shot him a weird look.

" _Spiritual_ mother," John corrected himself.

"What's your point," Adamska asked, a statement. His eyes were halfway closed, thoughts blocked.

"I wanted to tell you myself," John murmured, "In case you found out without knowing what I thought."

"Which is?" Adamska almost demanded an answer.

"She loved me, as a friend and apprentice," John danced cautiously around his words, now was definitely not the time to drive him any further away.

"It was just strange between us for me be _cause_ of that," John continued, "I was worried, that your loyalties lie with your cause, your country, like The Boss."

"But I know the truth," John's voice was hushed, "I just needed time to realize that. You were always loyal, to me, to everything I do. You've been with me longer, stayed with me longer, helped me against your country, The Patriots, everything."

Adamska didn't respond, still unreadable.

"That's why I don't feel for The Boss the same way I feel for you," John took a step forward, "I needed you to know that, before anyone could tell you differently, that I really, truly, _lo_ -"

Adamska put a finger to John's lips, stopping him, still looking down.

"Please," Adamska murmured, "Don't."

"I adored you," Adamska started to speak, interrupting another attempt to talk from John, "I always have. I did everything for you, _will_ do everything, because _I_ love you."

John slumped his shoulders.

"So much," Adamska shook his head, "Too much."

"But," Adamska interrupted another word from John, "If I hear, what I think I'll hear... The same things... From you..."

"I don't think I could take it," He whispered, lowering his finger and arm, "I don't think I'll ever be able to leave. To let go."

 _That's what I want!_ John screamed at himself, Stay! Please!

"We'll meet again," John's voice shook a little in his hopeful statement. It didn't have to be the end.

"Maybe," Adamska shrugged lightly, "Maybe not."

"Goodbye, John," Adamska announced, signalling to the pilot. Still not looking at him.

Torn and crushed, John took another step forward.

"I love you! Adamska!" John almost shouted at him who had one foot into the copter, back turned, before the whirring blades began to drown everything out. _Did it work?!_

Adamska had stopped. Everything stopped. He was still not turning. He must have heard. He had to have heard. John tried to search for his face, horrified that he may never see it again.

But Adamska moved forward, kept moving forward, forward onto the copter and sitting down as it started to head up. _No!_

Then there he was, eyes red, gloved hand over his mouth tightly while he slouched over in his seat, shoulders shuddering. One eye stared, burning a blue hole into John's own. The afternoon sun glistened on Adamska's cheek. And then he was gone. The helicopter pulling away, turning away.

John stayed there, listening to the whirrs until they died, lost in the endless, border-less expanse of the world. Silent. Alone. Empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Goodbye](http://i.imgur.com/yjLOJIJ.png)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>    
> (edited picture just a little) how is everyone's heart right now because mine is currently smashed beyond recognition, especially when I was quickly sketching that haha lol rofl lmao
> 
> don't worry don't worry a week later Ocelot comes back and they do it like all day, and then the same thing happens again. He just keeps trying meeting him.
> 
> Until he cant.
> 
> \---
> 
> ALRIGHT GUYS, THATS THE END OF "Too Many Names"! THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT! LOOK OUT TONIGHT (9/15/15, 10PM) FOR AN AU if you're interested that I'mma write, staring the same stupid lil' pair, except using Snake Eater as the background, but with *slightly* different circumstances OH BOY

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my tumblr at Shalashacelot.tumblr.com for fic updates
> 
> I've had a personal/mgs art blog for a while now, since I draw a lot (and like to believe I'm good). I just made the "Shalashacelot" accounts solely for the secretive use of fiction.... Buuuttt
> 
> OH WELL, CHECK THE COMMENTS FOR CHAPTER FOUR TO FIND THE LINKS ❤


End file.
